Like everyone else in the country, you moved to Edmonton or anywhere in Alberta for that matter to feed off the oil boom. You sold everything back home to pay $400,000 for a house because everyone else is paying that much for a house and that's what your trusty real estate agent said was the right thing to do.

Now it's 2008. Edmonton's housing market is a mess. There's 10,000 empty houses for sale in the city. That average $400,000 house is now worth $380,000 (and probably sinking fast) because nobody is interested in buying it anyway. That friendly real estate agent turned out to be just another salesperson like the one at the Brick or Futureshop talking your pockets empty.

The oil boom that the glossy fliers promised you gold has turned out to be a environmental disaster that the whole world is looking down on in disgust. If you ever had any principles about making an honest living without causing irreparable destruction in your path, they're out the door. The oil sand strip mining operation is just another big black eye on the face of the planet. If only it were still the 90s when nobody gave a shit.

Don't despair. organized crime is on the rise and they're bringing lots of cocaine to drown your sorrows in. Maybe you'll find a DUI to help pass the time or just end it all when your "Rig Rocket" decideds to kiss a tractor trailer on the road to McMurray after a weekend of cheap domestic beer at one of Edmonton's many roadhouse style bars. Don't let the other drunk guy stab you in the parking lot on the way out because you glanced at him.

Welcome to Edmonton. Enjoy your stay.

-MadCatX