Pasted from The Happy Hour Archive

I've been thinking that the reason some of you don't come to Happy Hour (we
know who you are), is because you may have some trouble interacting with
people. Unfortunately, scientists have a well deserved reputation for
being, shall we say, socially retarded. Well, I've decided to share some
of my social wisdom to help you interact with others. You can use Happy
Hour (or Shane's party) to practice.

How To Interact Socially: A Geek's Guide

DO: Ask other people how they are doing.
DON'T: Reply to such a question in grotesque detail.

DO: Talk about vacation areas.
DON'T: Talk about Broadmann's areas.

DO: Act interested in what other people have to say.
DON'T: Force people to take out restraining orders on you.

DO: Laugh at other people's jokes.
DON'T: Snort.

DO: Tell clever jokes.
DON'T: Tell the one about the nun and the goat.

DO: Avoid talking with your mouth full.
DON'T: Spit the food into your hand before speaking.

DO: Bring beer to a party.
DON'T: Bring a "5-pack."

DO: Bring flowers when visiting people.
DON'T: Pick the flowers from their garden.

DO: Flirt.
DON'T: Lick.

DO: Quote famous people.
DON'T: Quote yourself.

DO: Offer to help clean up.
DON'T: Do so by stealing silverware.

DO: Thank the host or hostess of a party.
DON'T: Get real drunk, stand up on a table and proceed to
insult each guest. (Believe me, it never works. I
should know).

Like everyone else in the country, you moved to Edmonton or anywhere in Alberta for that matter to feed off the oil boom. You sold everything back home to pay $400,000 for a house because everyone else is paying that much for a house and that's what your trusty real estate agent said was the right thing to do.

Now it's 2008. Edmonton's housing market is a mess. There's 10,000 empty houses for sale in the city. That average $400,000 house is now worth $380,000 (and probably sinking fast) because nobody is interested in buying it anyway. That friendly real estate agent turned out to be just another salesperson like the one at the Brick or Futureshop talking your pockets empty.

The oil boom that the glossy fliers promised you gold has turned out to be a environmental disaster that the whole world is looking down on in disgust. If you ever had any principles about making an honest living without causing irreparable destruction in your path, they're out the door. The oil sand strip mining operation is just another big black eye on the face of the planet. If only it were still the 90s when nobody gave a shit.

Don't despair. organized crime is on the rise and they're bringing lots of cocaine to drown your sorrows in. Maybe you'll find a DUI to help pass the time or just end it all when your "Rig Rocket" decideds to kiss a tractor trailer on the road to McMurray after a weekend of cheap domestic beer at one of Edmonton's many roadhouse style bars. Don't let the other drunk guy stab you in the parking lot on the way out because you glanced at him.

Welcome to Edmonton. Enjoy your stay.

-MadCatX

This applies to IRC too or even just general internet etiquette.

I'm posting this because it's true but it also applies to IRC trolls too. I mean, if you pulled a stranger into a corner and demanded to know their age, sex, and location, you'd very likely get punched in the face too.